Guide to Romancing the Maiden
by yukinothekoneko
Summary: How to go about romancing your target and making them yours? The Pandora Hearts gang knows how! Or do they? For a limited time, we offer a guide to teach you how step-by-step. Based on comical roleplaying between me and others on an rp site. Enjoy!
1. Step 1: First Impressions

Yes, I know I should be working on my other stories, but right now I'm kind of stuck on them. I hope this drabble fic cures the writer's block with them. This is my first Pandora Hearts fic, so please let me know what you all think of it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Pandora Hearts, I don't own the OC's Honoka Suzume or Fleur(arrives later), I don't own the roleplay. I.E., I don't own crap else besides the plot and my own OC(s, whom of which will also arrive later). Well, enjoy!

Guide to Romancing the Maiden: _Step 1_

**Step 1: Make a very good first impression.**

Everyone's full attention was on Xerxes Break, who stood at the doorway with a new face beside him.

"So this is Honoka Suzume, the newest member in our division of Pandora. It's been decided that she will be Sharon's subordinate. Starting today, Honoka will be hanging out with us and accompanying us on every one of our missions, so let's all get along, okaaay?"

Oz was the first to approach the girl and greet her, while Gilbert and Alice were still looking her up and down, as if seeing what to make of this new girl. "Hi there~ It's great to meet you. I hope we can become really good friends." He exclaimed cheerfully, pausing to grab a rose from the vase on the nearby tea table. "Because your beauty surpasses even a lovely, fragrant rose in full bloom." He handed the rose to her with a charming, 100 watt, completely artificial smile.

Gilbert was taken aback by Oz's sudden host-like behavior, gaping at the mouth and all. Alice scratched her ear in boredom and proceeded to poke him. "Ey, Seaweed Head, this isn't the time to be napping or whatever you're doing. We still gotta go greet the new girl." She informed him bluntly before biting into a buttered crumpet. He snapped out of the daze and turned immediately to the black-haired girl. "I wasn't sleeping, you Stupid Rabbit. Mind your own business. And stop poking me! Keep your fingers to yourself." He finished with a sneer.

"It isn't my fault you were sitting there with a stupefied expression on your face, now is it! As a manservant, you should thank me that I even bothered to snap you out of it, idiot!"

"It's none of your damn concern what kind of expression I have on my face! And I would never lower myself to something like thanking you. While we're on the subject, I'm not your manservant! What made you think such an idiotic idea?"

"Simple; the manservant of a manservant is a manservant. And fine; next time you make a dumb face, I'll just leave you to it and let you make a bad first impression."

"Yes, please do 'leave me to it.' And that makes no damn sense! Just because I serve Oz doesn't mean I would ever take a single order from you!"

"Calm down, calm down. We're indoors so try to lower your voices a little. Also, Break said to get along. So let's all be friends with eachother~!" Oz called out childishly. His voice was almost drowned out by the other two yelling at eachother as they engaged in combat using the silverware as their weapons. Needless to say, the half-hearted attempt to calm them down had fallen on deaf ears, and as a result, the grown man and the young lady carried on with their bickering.

The newest addition to the group just stood in the same spot the entire time, wondering just what she had gotten herself into joining this division of Pandora.

…..XXX…..

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Critique? Flames? Review! Or Break will slip into your house via cabinet or table underside and eat all the sweets. XD

I was inspired to write this by being in a PH series reenactment roleplay (myself playing as Oz). But it's really from all of us doing extra, crackish and sidestory roleplaying in the OOC thread with eachother. I told them I wanted to turn it into a drabble series and they seemed excited about it. Then 3 chapters later I found myself coming up with more and more plot, getting more material and encouragement from them as time passed. I've come to enjoy writing this and decided to share it with you all on .

I must say thank you to those people: Thank you, kurokku(Alice and Gilbert) Honoka(OC) Vissa(Sharon) and clocks(Break). I hope that we can all continue to get along, roleplay together, and inspire eachother. My sincere thanks to you guys. I want to continue to be online nakama. ^^

Oh, and those who are curious, here is the link to the roleplay:

http: (no triple w and remove the spaces) /rp. eliteskills. com ? r=48203


	2. Step 2: Second Impressions

Hey all! Here is the second installment to the drabble series.

The other day I had been stuck on part 4 of this series, but suddenly got inspiration and now as a result I know what I want to happen in the part after that. As to why I posted this story's pairing as BreakxOz, it's probably because the 4th part is a crackish Break/Oz interaction. Had it on the mind, and so the pairing ended up being listed as the two. I'm still unsure about which pairings I should use. Here they are:

GilbertxOC, one-sided OzxGilbert, one-sided AlicexOz to start with, that may or may not turn later on into double-sided. BreakxOz, possibly('cause I like that pairing ^^), ElliotxSharon would be interesting, but I may stick to ElliotxLeo, and et cetera. I likely won't have fully decided on which pairings until they are written. Hehehe, sorry. -,-'

**Disclaimer:** A very merry Unbirthday, to you(To who?) To you, (To me.) A very merry Unbirthday, to me(To you!) To me, (To who?) Now blow the candles out my dear and make your wish come true, a very merry Unbirthday to you~!

Guide to Romancing the Maiden

**2. A bad first impression can always be mended via good second impression.**

The newest addition to the group just stood in the same spot the entire time, wondering just what she had gotten herself into joining this division of Pandora.

Break stretched his arms up to the sky before speaking up. "Well, why don't we four sit down and have some tea and cake with some cake?" He wanted to eat cake, if the earlier statement was any indication. In particular, he was eyeing the particular piece on the side with the caramel swirled ontop. As well as the Black Forest cake. And the Mont Blanc.

"While those audacious idiots continue blowing off their extra energy!"

"They are audacious, aren't they, Emily?" he laughed with the puppet on his shoulder.

"Ah, right." Honoka smiled nervously. "Um… is it okay to ask you three something?"

"Of course, Honoka-chan. Ask away!" the energetic blonde smiled before taking his seat at the table.

"Alright then. Does that kind of thing with those two happen often?"

Sharon set her tea down, smiling politely at her charge. "Oh, all the time. It happens nearly every day, so there really is no need to worry about it, okay?"

She looked back towards the duo. "Is that so?" she turned back around to stir the sugar into her tea, looking into the cup absently. How was it possible for them to complete missions if they were always like that towards eachother? Break Xerxes, the strange man who talked to a puppet on his shoulder and ate sweets like a diabetic. There was also Oz Bezarius, the boy who switched between different personalities every so often. He was next in line for the leadership of the Bezarius household and he had such an odd personality? And lastly, the one who was, starting today, her boss of sorts; she wasn't sure exactly what to make of Sharon Rainesworth. So far she seemed to be like the archetypal Young Lady, manners, grace, poise and all. Would she be able to fit in with a group like this?

"Now then, I believe it is a good time to inform you and Oz of our upcoming mission, yes? Break will go tell Gilbert and Alice to join us in order to hear it. Won't you, Break?" the girl flashed a charming smile over in the albino's direction. The man in question could only respond to the order with a smirk and a bow before walking off to where the other two had gone. "While we wait for them to return, would either of you like more tea? You are also welcome to the crumpets and sweets. It seems Beak has eaten all the cakes, I'm afraid." She gestured to the center of the table where the foods lie arranged on layered silver platters. The very top platter which had previously been inhabited with many different kinds of cakes, had indeed been decimated by the puppet owner. Even the porcelain plate which had been at his spot at the table was now gone. That occurrence had been particularly… err- surprising, to say the least.

Oz reached for two crumpets, a muffin and a few petit fours, claiming happily that he was "making a plate for Alice, 'cause she'll be hungry after all that running around with Gilbert.' So they really did do this sort of thing often; Break returned with his hands full, the two dragged behind by the backs of their collared clothing. While they were still a ways away from the group, and before Oz or Sharon acknowledged them, the duo broke free of Break's hold on them, running after eachother once more.

Perhaps this was a test to see how Honoka would react in a situation like this? That sounded logical; if that was true, she needed to do whatever Oz and Sharon did, right? Neither of the two aristocrats even looked their way as they ran around the room, knocking over some of the furniture and a few vases. In that case, she was also not to look over at what they were doing. Alright then; she could pull at least that much off.

It was at that very moment when she took her eyes off the two that something happened. Multiple crashes were heard as well as the sliding of the tablecloth, the toppling over of the teapot as well as the layered silver platters, and to wrap up the chaos, a 'splat.' All Honoka recalled seeing was Alice standing on the table and Gilbert's upper torso sliding across the surface before her vision suddenly became impaired.

All eyes in the room were on the current situation; the newest member was now covered in tea and snacks, the culprits on the table. Alice looked towards her, eyes widened in mild surprise, while Gilbert, partially soaked in the lukewarm tea, stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights while his face grew red in embarrassment, the lid of the teapot still perched atop his head.

Silence… until:

"Aaah~ now you've done it."

"There goes your hopes for a good second impression, idiots!"

"That is true, Emily!"

…..XXX…..

You know the drill. Thoughts, comments, questions, critique, ideas, suggestions, flames, please Review~! And for those without birthdays today, a very merry Unbirthdaaay~ tooo~ you! XD


	3. Step 3: Plan an Outing

No author's notes this time. Yaaay~! Which leaves the…

**Disclaimer:** Who do you think you are, playin' that damn guita-a-ar~, screwing up all ba-a-ars, tearing the song apart. You're part's gonna be cut, 'cause now we're in a ru-u-ut~. So don't come back again, gimme back that guitaaar~!

With that, enjoy!

Guide to Romancing the Maiden: _Step 3_

**3. Plan an outing, and be sure to decide on the details while keeping the priority of other person's interests in mind above your own.**

It had been a mere two weeks since the gang attained/acquired a new member. She was fitting in quite nicely; sure, she seemed to stand out as the regular one of the group, but anyone would be compared to them.

Today everyone decided to do errands, shopping for supplies and making other preparations for the upcoming mission to which they were assigned. Surprisingly this time, both Sharon and Break had to actively join in on the mission, perhaps even the battles that would likely occur. The difficulty in peforming this job prior to the mission assignment lied in which of the small tasks would go to which group of two people. Oz and Break had volunteered to buy the food rations at first, only to be shot down by those who knew better than to let them go do the shopping.

"We'll gladly be in charge of food shopping~!"

"Indeed~. We promise there will be no fights. I will try my hardest not to frighten him, but sadly the brat just scares so easily." It seemed lately all their conversations resulted in a badly affected Oz and an

"Not as easily as you'll eat half of the rations before we leave for the mission, right Break?"

"Such an impudent little brat, aren't you?"

"Thank you! So… can we be the ones to do the food shopping?"

"Hell no!"

"It would be best if you two didn't."

The last time that happened, all they had to eat for 3 days mission had been an assortment of cakes and cookies, which, of course, was an obvious problem to everyone except the very clueless duo whom had bought them.

"Aw, but why?"

"You two know the answer to that well, as we were kind enough to explain it to you, or did we not do such a thing?"

The complaints stopped when the demonic glare could be seen in Sharon's eyes before she closed them in favor of enjoying the rest of her delightful cup of tea, smiling afterwards.

"Then who will do it?" asked Alice.

"That is a good question." The Rainesworth heiress commented, gazing at the decorations on the teapot thoughtfully. "Honoka is also unable to take part in this task due to… certain events, we will leave it at that."

"I apologize for that." The member in question bowed her head, to which her superior shook her head. "Not at all, we don't blame one ounce of it on you. We understand."

Alice looked away, pouting with her arms crossed. Gilbert suddenly took an interest in the detailed engravings and designs of the teacup he had been holding, while no one perceptive enough dared to point out the pink which dusted his cheeks at that moment.

Because of the mishap the first day Honoka had met them, she was now trying to keep her distance from places with too much food. Also due to that occurrence, they learned not to leave Alice and Gilbert by themselves for too long, unless they wanted to have even more property damage to the area.

This left the job to Alice and Sharon; the black-haired girl was… er- not suited for… tasks of those sorts. And they learned that it was best if Gilbert and Alice being left alone to go at eachothers throats would try to be avoided for a while. At least until they learned how to do so and not manage to destroy the surrounding area or break any valuables within a certain-number/meter radius.

"Well, it's settled. Alice and I will collect the food rations while Oz and Break take care of the paperwork. Gilbert and Honoka will select and rent a place to stay."

…..XXX…..

Reviews are welcomed with open arms, be they consisting of questions, comments, suggestions, ideas, flames and all that jazz! Also, I will dedicate a drabble in this series to the person who can name the tune that I so crappily lampooned in the disclaimer.


	4. Step 4, Phase 1: An Omake

**Some notes before you enjoy the next installment of Guide to Romancing the Maiden!**

**Note:** Just think of these next 3 chapters as crackish fillers, okay? Why, you ask? Well, I sort of screwed up this Break/Oz drabble and so I have a feeling the same thing may also happen with the Sharon/Alice drabble and the Gil/OC after it. Perhaps I am not meant to write serous scenes when it involves the PH gang? It's very difficult, that much is certain.

**Disclaimer:** I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, all in a row. Some big, some small, some even as big as your skull! (Paraphrasing is a type of disclaimer! XD)

_And with that, enjoy!_

Omake #1

**Be as perceptive, considerate and gentlemanly to the other party as possible, and at all times. This action cannot be rushed, and, in fact, is to be done in three different phases.**

**(Phase 1. Be relaxed at all times when with the other party; be sure that both yourself and your target are enjoying themselves. Do not be afraid to open up or leave the "comfort zone."**

"Well, it's settled. Alice and I will collect the food rations while Oz and Break take care of the paperwork. Gilbert and Honoka will select and rent a place to stay. Meanwhile, everyone should try gathering information in their respective areas."

To be honest the aristocrat was indeed not as capable of working with Alice as Oz was, but saw no reason to be the one to do the paperwork when she could easily push it onto her servant. When everyone thought about it, the two gentlemen were both very qualified and quite competent to complete the job of sorting out and going through the different papers, anyway.

"Oz-kun, it seems this stack is all papers requiring a signature from a member of both Pandora and one of nobility. I am guessing the ones over there only require the signature of someone whom is only a member of Pandora, yes?"

The blonde boy checked the fine print of three of the documents before sending a nod of confirmation over in the albino man's direction. "You're right, it does. In that case, we should switch."

Both parties calmly and silently traded room sides and carried on with the job, both relieved that half of the job to the paperwork pat of their mission was now over. All that needed be done now was for each document to be scanned, which led to the ultimate phase, approving/confirmation or disapproving/cancellation.

There was merely one small element they were lacking, which began to show itself in record time.

"So boriiing…"

"I want to eat caaake…"

"Is there no end to this paperwork? I think the pile just got larger. Magic; that has to be it. Chains and the Abyss exist, so why not magic and warlocks?"

"I need to eat caaake… Mont Blanc… Red Velvet… Battenberg… Chiffon… Streusel… Tiramisu… Tres Leche… Mascarapone… even petit fours would do right now…"

"Whooosh~!" He waved his writing quill around like a wand, uttering off-the-wall phrases such as 'remove this barrier on the documents' or 'now sign yourselves!'

Break wasn't faring any better, sadly. "I… I can see them. I can see them all!"

"Begone, you troll!" he said to Break, whom had currently been looking around the room with childish glee, until a realization descended upon him. "What to eat them with?" He frowned. "No forks in sight." The albino man reached out and grabbed empty air, shoveling it into his face with an audible "omnomnom." Oz shrieked in horror. "Stop eating the faeries! What did they ever do to you?"

"No good~ I'm getting icing all over my sleeves without a fork. Aren't there any nearby?" Break began to look around the room, eye wandering hopelessly until it landed on the writing quill in Oz's hand. His face lit up as he ran joyfully over to Oz, who at the same time ran towards him with a battle cry.

Five people opened the door and entered the room while the two remained unaware, playing out their respective fantasies.

"A fooork~!"

"Wingardiamere Leviosaaah!"

The run towards eachother was illogically in slow motion, a sight to which Reim face-palmed and Honoka sweat-dropped, while Elliot was left speechless and Leo stared apathetically at the scene. The fifth person in the room and, by far, the most fearsome, had been Sharon, who smiled sweetly whilst holding her Hakuren in her left hand. She was the first to speak up, her voice holding a tone of polite grace coupled with underlying venom. The other four broke out of their stupors and winced as two loud, obviously painful blows were delivered to the delusional duo.

"SNAP OUT OF IT! QUIT YOUR STALLING AND GET BACK TO WORK, IDIOTS!"

They now lay lifelessly on the floor, twitching every now and then. The two Nightray boys immediately made their way over to Break and Oz; definitely uncharacteristic of them, but right now they didn't want to anger the Rainesworth heiress. Meanwhile, Reim walked over to the stacks of documents and proceeded to sort through them.

They just needed someone to stand over them and make sure they actually did the work instead of resorting to insanity. Whether or not they feigned it with their infamously spectacular thespian abilities or really experienced it, not a soul would truly know the answer to that question.

"I'm certainly glad we stopped by before leaving. Reim, Leo, Elliot; you all can take it from here, yes? Good; let's be going, Honoka. I sincerely hope that nothing happened when Alice and Gilbert were left alon—" she stopped herself midsentence, realizing how thoughtless a statement she had made. Her eyes widened before she and Honoka ran out of the room and off to where they had left the gunman and the humanoid Chain.

An heiress' job was simply neverending. Especially when the straightening-out of this group was taken into consideration.

…..XXX…..

It seems that whenever I try to write Oz and Break interactions, they end up OOC. It turns into a crackfic of sorts, in other words. But right now, I'm sleep deprived, it's late, and I'm getting slaphappy, so that could have something to do with it. Though I kind of like it. I can picture them acting this way when faced with the kind of situation in which they don't have to buckle down and be serious, so they would resort to bending the rules of common sense and reality. Sanity as well, though that is a given since it's them. It made me laugh, so I hope that despite the seriousness I was trying to have in it, perhaps you might have enjoyed it and will appreciate the crackish humor in these omakes/filler chapters.


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